.Women Out of Sight
The achievements of women face many difficulties everywhere in the world. The degree differs from place to place. A woman is a crucial part of society, lively and energetic, sensitive and serious, faithful and sympathetic, she likes details and prefers independence, but most of the time she is not courageous enough to make decisions or lead a group. That gives men the permission to exceed many limits and to dominate in social, economical and political life.
In my town of Jayyous, women are beautiful and hopeful, they are ambitious and curious. They were born in a messy and complex surrounding. They learn, they try and try, but under the best conditions, they don’t achieve even the minimum that they should reach. They don't achieve because they do many things in the same time. She is the woman who is responsible for household and children matters. In addition to her study or work, so how can she become creative and impressive in all at one time. Traditionally, a woman can never neglect her house and marriage duties and so normally she is less successful in other things.
Islam has never been a reason to the unconfident personality that women have. On the contrary, it encouraged their participation in different levels of life. The history of Islam shows how active women were. They were nurses in battles, consultants for prophets and guards for the families when husbands were away. That was the case 1430 years ago when there not the possibilities that there are now. What about today? Today women’s rights and responsibilities have increased many times but we do not see their effectiveness and proficiency.
Many people think that a Muslim dress or scarf regulates a woman’s contribution in organizations and life. But truly for those who understand men should appreciate that restriction. Actually the Islamic dress is her permit and freedom in work and the market place. It protects her and her family. It keeps her private and distinguished. It directs her concentration towards confidence and success.
When I have been asked to talk about Palestinian women’s participation in political parties or local communities, I felt sorry and embarrassed because there’s almost nothing to say about such roles. It is a big lie that women have decided for women in the last elections, or in any time of Palestinian political experience, even when some of them were elected as members of municipalities. Mostly they didn’t address people or institutions. They did not communicate with the outside world to express their positions and needs. They meet with other members to agree or disagree silently. The culture here teaches the woman to be negative and ignorant. Mothers teach their daughters that it is taboo to argue with men and to discuss men matters. That is perhaps why the democratic role which was given to women in the last elections was not real. They don’t want to be involved in men’s issues and trouble. They don’t have the courage to face or defend their points of view and most of the time have no clear vision or judgment upon things.
It doesn't make difference if a woman is elected or assigned by law. To be a member in local community chairs, the result is the same. Because, she faces the same obstacles and problems, I think that leading the community by a woman is still an odd and exceptional idea in our culture. Our society is for men, a woman don't have a political social background to start from (politics is usually inherited). Men are who decide for politics in our country. Occupation has also been one of the challenges facing women, because participating in political parties has been related to real danger all the time.
It is not late to start now, but we are still under testing. A woman who is now a member in a council or civic institution has been put suddenly in a place to take decisions, while in fact, she carries out decisions. She can't cope with the new task effectively, she can't express particular women needs and she doesn't necessarily trust her abilities. Actually, she should have had institutional preparation. The election of women was not just for show, but an essential socio-economic and cultural need. Unfortunately, she is not ready to occupy such position. It is our institutions responsibility to train woman gradually to be effective and responsive.
Palestinian women, particularly in rural areas, learn at school and universities. But some traditions, ideas and inherited values about girls in Arabic society stand as the first blockage in their progress - a woman’s best task is to be a wife and mother despite whatever she has studied. Sadly that is what a woman in our community wants to be. These thoughts are accepted by the majority of people today.
I noticed in some meetings with different categories of women, when they are asked about their needs, they could not answer. Not because they don’t need anything, but because they were not asked about such things before. They don’t know how to translate their psychological or social needs into words. They don’t know their needs. They have never gone further than their village or the next city to meet life and change. Only a few women from my village travel outside Palestine.
Noticeably, women don't meet each other except in wedding parties, or at health care centres. Mostly there is no particular institution for women to meet in or to suggest serious issues for discussion related to their daily anxiety and future. Women don't really stick to their community worries, they suffer from them, but they can't change. They don't know how, they pass from the street, but they don't exist in. They depend on men opinions and decisions. Tragically, few could interfere, talk bravely, oppose men, or criticize politics loudly, but the community- particularly women- don't welcome this and consider it against morals and feminism.
The role of women in rural areas is already known and planned; it is unfamiliar to violate rules and values. Those women who were initiatives in social work were not so successful; they were subject to criticism and judgment. The community is not convinced yet that females should act differently. Women feel that they struggle and contradict themselves, they are afraid from making small faults and might not have excuses for that. To succeed is hard, to fail is deadly. In return, men can have big mistakes, but many reserved excuses.
Ironically, when NGOs hold a workshop, only a few men attend. But when the same workshop is held for women, many women attend. Organizations have considered this as a sign of development and recognition. In fact, housewives find it a chance to leave the house, break the routine or hope to find a food basket at the end of the meeting.
Some NGO's try to help women, but still there is a gap. May be the way is incorrect or as a result of the recent economical situation it is misused; It looks like a benevolence for poor families. Projects which are widely implemented in Palestine, for example home gardens, food baskets, work for food and training, food security programs, etc. are short term solutions and create dependent economy. Meanwhile, women know the end of their participation in such projects, they will this much or that little. Moreover, the relationship between the NGO's and the women ends when the project is over.
So, it is not development of women abilities; it is sympathy. It is not to build a character or suggest a different lifestyle. It didn't distinguish women or encourage social change, there is no practical follow-up from institutions to support women. Honestly, some NGO's accomplished genuine efforts worth consideration. These few small projects and efforts went successful because they are managed, directed, and operated by women.
I know that my best task is to be a mother and to bring up my children. I’m not against nature. I like this holy job. But I want somebody to help me to bring up the children. I want to be appreciated and to be supported by my family. I want to do my family work but I also want to do something else.
I want to work and to succeed in my work. I want to be myself and to know or recognize my abilities. I like to devote my life to my house and marriage. But I want to do that with pleasure, with the help and the support of others. I want to learn about other women in the world. I dream to travel and see the different worlds. I want change for my children’s future. I wish to prepare better chances and a safe life for them as best I can. I trust myself and I want others to trust me.
I Want to learn about other women in the world, I want to learn about the international law, and how can it protect women? How do women in other parts of the world live without occupation and social pressures? What do they know about our pains and bitterness? And how can women bear their men absence or death? How can they cope with children hunger and needs? Who suffers when electricity or water supply are cut? Who is responsible for children tears when there is no bread, or clothes or medicine? Who suffers when a woman gives birth on a checkpoint? Who prays when a husband don't have work or can't reach it? And who knows why do women cry?
The world does not really know. She is the woman who pays the price. She is oppressed and tortured by critical life changes. Women cry silently in this darkness. Even when they talk about 12 thousand Palestinian men in Israeli prisons are suffering, they forget to say that 12 thousand wives or mothers are suffering more.
I can never forget my mother experience from 1948 until now. It best summarises Palestinian memos. She was born in 1948. She was only one month when they were expelled from Yaffa. My grandmother was carrying her on her arms, and trying to walk faster to follow people who were running of horror and panic. Life seemed so precious that a woman shouted on my grandmother "leave this girl and run or you will die both"
I prefer to tell my mother's story and I will leave my story to my daughter to tell.
Yaffa is still a live in her memory, though she has never seen it. My mother told me her parents story when they left Yaffa. "its my birth town and my ever lasting dream. It’s were my parents had their first fine house, the city of flowers and citrus fields perfume, the bride of the sea that I have never seen, its my pain and hope, it is the tears in my mothers eyes, and the magic of the Palestinian shore. It’s my identity and dignity, my sand, my soil. I had never seen it, or what had happened in 1948? But I could see much in my mother's eyes when talking about her tragic experience those black days, I could never remember, but I had ever imagined the tears, the blood and the injuries along from Yaffa to Qalqilya. It was not an interesting journey in my mother's mind and soul, it was death and calamity, it was humiliation and horror. It was the worst journey in man's history’.
‘I have never had a permit to meet Yaffa or to see the place where I was born. It is there setting beside the sea waiting for me. I could feel its nights and lights not so far from my house in Jayyous. It is much much more than a refugee card, or a word in politicians' speeches to bargain about. It’s my right and reality, it’s Palestine. My love to Yaffa is just like the sea waves will never come to an end’.
In each Palestinian house we have stories. All members suffer, but the most terrible suffering is the mother’s. Strangely, a mother usually looks older than she is. She looks tired and bored and worn out, especially after 35.
There are many reasons for her suffering. A husband suffers directly from the occupation. Fathers are not calm and conscious to understand their psychological responsibilities at home. They are busy thinking of everyday worries of life. They are tortured by life`s difficulties - checkpoints, gates, roadblocks, political parties. They cannot reach work safely or on time or they don’t even have work. They can not earn enough to satisfy family needs. Life is expensive and children are hungry. Men can not travel or move further than the closest city. They might work far from their families. They might be in prison, they might be assassinated.
Men are oppressed by political situations. They don’t listen to their wives worries. They don’t consider her trouble with children as a big deal. They don’t consider housework as a serious task, and if she has a job as a nurse or a teacher they don’t share her housework. She has to do everything by herself even if she needs to work in farms behind the wall. Either she works with her husband in their farm behind the wall or she works by herself, if he doesn’t have a permit.
According to old customs, men are the leaders of the community. Most of the time, the father is a dictator in the family. He is the one who decides to be obeyed. He inherited this from his father and he teaches this to his sons. It is a taboo to obey women or to help them in housework. It is also considered silly to discuss serious issues like politics with women. It is also strange for him to share his fears and ambitions with a woman. She is considered weaker to cope with situations.
However, we forget that there is a great woman behind any great man.
L. Khalid
The achievements of women face many difficulties everywhere in the world. The degree differs from place to place. A woman is a crucial part of society, lively and energetic, sensitive and serious, faithful and sympathetic, she likes details and prefers independence, but most of the time she is not courageous enough to make decisions or lead a group. That gives men the permission to exceed many limits and to dominate in social, economical and political life.
In my town of Jayyous, women are beautiful and hopeful, they are ambitious and curious. They were born in a messy and complex surrounding. They learn, they try and try, but under the best conditions, they don’t achieve even the minimum that they should reach. They don't achieve because they do many things in the same time. She is the woman who is responsible for household and children matters. In addition to her study or work, so how can she become creative and impressive in all at one time. Traditionally, a woman can never neglect her house and marriage duties and so normally she is less successful in other things.
Islam has never been a reason to the unconfident personality that women have. On the contrary, it encouraged their participation in different levels of life. The history of Islam shows how active women were. They were nurses in battles, consultants for prophets and guards for the families when husbands were away. That was the case 1430 years ago when there not the possibilities that there are now. What about today? Today women’s rights and responsibilities have increased many times but we do not see their effectiveness and proficiency.
Many people think that a Muslim dress or scarf regulates a woman’s contribution in organizations and life. But truly for those who understand men should appreciate that restriction. Actually the Islamic dress is her permit and freedom in work and the market place. It protects her and her family. It keeps her private and distinguished. It directs her concentration towards confidence and success.
When I have been asked to talk about Palestinian women’s participation in political parties or local communities, I felt sorry and embarrassed because there’s almost nothing to say about such roles. It is a big lie that women have decided for women in the last elections, or in any time of Palestinian political experience, even when some of them were elected as members of municipalities. Mostly they didn’t address people or institutions. They did not communicate with the outside world to express their positions and needs. They meet with other members to agree or disagree silently. The culture here teaches the woman to be negative and ignorant. Mothers teach their daughters that it is taboo to argue with men and to discuss men matters. That is perhaps why the democratic role which was given to women in the last elections was not real. They don’t want to be involved in men’s issues and trouble. They don’t have the courage to face or defend their points of view and most of the time have no clear vision or judgment upon things.
It doesn't make difference if a woman is elected or assigned by law. To be a member in local community chairs, the result is the same. Because, she faces the same obstacles and problems, I think that leading the community by a woman is still an odd and exceptional idea in our culture. Our society is for men, a woman don't have a political social background to start from (politics is usually inherited). Men are who decide for politics in our country. Occupation has also been one of the challenges facing women, because participating in political parties has been related to real danger all the time.
It is not late to start now, but we are still under testing. A woman who is now a member in a council or civic institution has been put suddenly in a place to take decisions, while in fact, she carries out decisions. She can't cope with the new task effectively, she can't express particular women needs and she doesn't necessarily trust her abilities. Actually, she should have had institutional preparation. The election of women was not just for show, but an essential socio-economic and cultural need. Unfortunately, she is not ready to occupy such position. It is our institutions responsibility to train woman gradually to be effective and responsive.
Palestinian women, particularly in rural areas, learn at school and universities. But some traditions, ideas and inherited values about girls in Arabic society stand as the first blockage in their progress - a woman’s best task is to be a wife and mother despite whatever she has studied. Sadly that is what a woman in our community wants to be. These thoughts are accepted by the majority of people today.
I noticed in some meetings with different categories of women, when they are asked about their needs, they could not answer. Not because they don’t need anything, but because they were not asked about such things before. They don’t know how to translate their psychological or social needs into words. They don’t know their needs. They have never gone further than their village or the next city to meet life and change. Only a few women from my village travel outside Palestine.
Noticeably, women don't meet each other except in wedding parties, or at health care centres. Mostly there is no particular institution for women to meet in or to suggest serious issues for discussion related to their daily anxiety and future. Women don't really stick to their community worries, they suffer from them, but they can't change. They don't know how, they pass from the street, but they don't exist in. They depend on men opinions and decisions. Tragically, few could interfere, talk bravely, oppose men, or criticize politics loudly, but the community- particularly women- don't welcome this and consider it against morals and feminism.
The role of women in rural areas is already known and planned; it is unfamiliar to violate rules and values. Those women who were initiatives in social work were not so successful; they were subject to criticism and judgment. The community is not convinced yet that females should act differently. Women feel that they struggle and contradict themselves, they are afraid from making small faults and might not have excuses for that. To succeed is hard, to fail is deadly. In return, men can have big mistakes, but many reserved excuses.
Ironically, when NGOs hold a workshop, only a few men attend. But when the same workshop is held for women, many women attend. Organizations have considered this as a sign of development and recognition. In fact, housewives find it a chance to leave the house, break the routine or hope to find a food basket at the end of the meeting.
Some NGO's try to help women, but still there is a gap. May be the way is incorrect or as a result of the recent economical situation it is misused; It looks like a benevolence for poor families. Projects which are widely implemented in Palestine, for example home gardens, food baskets, work for food and training, food security programs, etc. are short term solutions and create dependent economy. Meanwhile, women know the end of their participation in such projects, they will this much or that little. Moreover, the relationship between the NGO's and the women ends when the project is over.
So, it is not development of women abilities; it is sympathy. It is not to build a character or suggest a different lifestyle. It didn't distinguish women or encourage social change, there is no practical follow-up from institutions to support women. Honestly, some NGO's accomplished genuine efforts worth consideration. These few small projects and efforts went successful because they are managed, directed, and operated by women.
I know that my best task is to be a mother and to bring up my children. I’m not against nature. I like this holy job. But I want somebody to help me to bring up the children. I want to be appreciated and to be supported by my family. I want to do my family work but I also want to do something else.
I want to work and to succeed in my work. I want to be myself and to know or recognize my abilities. I like to devote my life to my house and marriage. But I want to do that with pleasure, with the help and the support of others. I want to learn about other women in the world. I dream to travel and see the different worlds. I want change for my children’s future. I wish to prepare better chances and a safe life for them as best I can. I trust myself and I want others to trust me.
I Want to learn about other women in the world, I want to learn about the international law, and how can it protect women? How do women in other parts of the world live without occupation and social pressures? What do they know about our pains and bitterness? And how can women bear their men absence or death? How can they cope with children hunger and needs? Who suffers when electricity or water supply are cut? Who is responsible for children tears when there is no bread, or clothes or medicine? Who suffers when a woman gives birth on a checkpoint? Who prays when a husband don't have work or can't reach it? And who knows why do women cry?
The world does not really know. She is the woman who pays the price. She is oppressed and tortured by critical life changes. Women cry silently in this darkness. Even when they talk about 12 thousand Palestinian men in Israeli prisons are suffering, they forget to say that 12 thousand wives or mothers are suffering more.
I can never forget my mother experience from 1948 until now. It best summarises Palestinian memos. She was born in 1948. She was only one month when they were expelled from Yaffa. My grandmother was carrying her on her arms, and trying to walk faster to follow people who were running of horror and panic. Life seemed so precious that a woman shouted on my grandmother "leave this girl and run or you will die both"
I prefer to tell my mother's story and I will leave my story to my daughter to tell.
Yaffa is still a live in her memory, though she has never seen it. My mother told me her parents story when they left Yaffa. "its my birth town and my ever lasting dream. It’s were my parents had their first fine house, the city of flowers and citrus fields perfume, the bride of the sea that I have never seen, its my pain and hope, it is the tears in my mothers eyes, and the magic of the Palestinian shore. It’s my identity and dignity, my sand, my soil. I had never seen it, or what had happened in 1948? But I could see much in my mother's eyes when talking about her tragic experience those black days, I could never remember, but I had ever imagined the tears, the blood and the injuries along from Yaffa to Qalqilya. It was not an interesting journey in my mother's mind and soul, it was death and calamity, it was humiliation and horror. It was the worst journey in man's history’.
‘I have never had a permit to meet Yaffa or to see the place where I was born. It is there setting beside the sea waiting for me. I could feel its nights and lights not so far from my house in Jayyous. It is much much more than a refugee card, or a word in politicians' speeches to bargain about. It’s my right and reality, it’s Palestine. My love to Yaffa is just like the sea waves will never come to an end’.
In each Palestinian house we have stories. All members suffer, but the most terrible suffering is the mother’s. Strangely, a mother usually looks older than she is. She looks tired and bored and worn out, especially after 35.
There are many reasons for her suffering. A husband suffers directly from the occupation. Fathers are not calm and conscious to understand their psychological responsibilities at home. They are busy thinking of everyday worries of life. They are tortured by life`s difficulties - checkpoints, gates, roadblocks, political parties. They cannot reach work safely or on time or they don’t even have work. They can not earn enough to satisfy family needs. Life is expensive and children are hungry. Men can not travel or move further than the closest city. They might work far from their families. They might be in prison, they might be assassinated.
Men are oppressed by political situations. They don’t listen to their wives worries. They don’t consider her trouble with children as a big deal. They don’t consider housework as a serious task, and if she has a job as a nurse or a teacher they don’t share her housework. She has to do everything by herself even if she needs to work in farms behind the wall. Either she works with her husband in their farm behind the wall or she works by herself, if he doesn’t have a permit.
According to old customs, men are the leaders of the community. Most of the time, the father is a dictator in the family. He is the one who decides to be obeyed. He inherited this from his father and he teaches this to his sons. It is a taboo to obey women or to help them in housework. It is also considered silly to discuss serious issues like politics with women. It is also strange for him to share his fears and ambitions with a woman. She is considered weaker to cope with situations.
However, we forget that there is a great woman behind any great man.
L. Khalid